Pieces

Hey old friend. I haven’t been here in quite a while. I wrote a book and dipped on my blog! My bad. I’m back because there was something pressing on my heart and I didn’t want to make a video. I wanted to put my words on a page. I’ve been reading a devotional for spouses and using the daily prayer to pray for my husband and for our marriage. As I type this I am not married but it’s important to pray for your spouse BEFORE they arrive. So yeah, I lay on my face consistently for the spouse and daughter I do not have yet just as I do for the child, the friends, and the family I do have already. With the same strength, power and fervor.

Anywho, what brought me here today was a revelation I received as I was led to listen to one of my favorite worship songs. One of my little sisters tagged me in a “favorite worship song” challenge on Instagram. IG didn’t have the version of the song I prefer so I posted the one they had and then I went to Youtube to listen the one I love. It’s called “Pieces” and I’m obsessed the rendition by Darrel Walls ft. Dayanna Redic. This is the second song of his that the Lord has pulled lyrics out and said ” these are characteristics your husband needs to have.” The other song is “I will exalt you” and the chorus goes: “my hiding place, my safe refuge, my treasure, my friend and King, anointed one, & holy”.

Now, let’s look at “Pieces”. Just listen to the song because I’ll end up typing the entire thing to make a point. But the most important part that was illuminated tonight was “You don’t give your heart in pieces”. Now of course both of these songs are talking about Jesus, and my spouse will in no way be able to be as perfect as our Lord and Savior. BUT, what God is trying to tell me is that my husband needs to be a reflection of Him. He will be my safe place. He will never give himself to me in pieces. His heart will be for me and no one else. There will be no confusion within himself. And like the old adage says, “if you’re trying to choose between me and someone else, don’t choose me”.

There’s a quote thats talks about Black women being worthy of love that doesn’t hurt first. And if we stick to the standard our Daddy has set then we will have the love of a lifetime with someone who is 100% sure about us. Someone who will love us like Christ loves the church. Someone who won’t hurt us and then come dragging back when they’re ready to love us right. Someone who will make a decision & do it right the first time.

Okay, it’s 3am and there’s probably hella typos. I need to take some valerian root so I can go to sleep. Love ya’ll, I’ll be back here more often.

How Deep Is Your Faith…

So I’m sitting here, and I’m thinking, and I’m chit chatting with Jesus…I do that pretty often, just like I would do with a friend, without running the risk of my business being in the streets in 60 seconds flat (if that offended you, well…). Anywho! I have this gift right, He trusts me with peoples secrets because He wants me to pray for them. I’ve always been that friend all of my friends trust. I know her side and his side…knowing the two people I put both stories together and come up with the truth. I say all of this to say He was training me up all of that time to make sure I could be trusted with the secrets He had for me.

I’m talking to Him and I’m like umm Lord, OK I’ve been praying for my family, friends, my twitter fam and whatever strangers You tell me to pray for! (yeah I was yellin’…walking down the street…on my prayer walk) How come when I pray for myself it doesn’t happen!? Or it takes a LONG time! But my friends call me the next day like “Thanks for praying”! (Like they KNOW that He used me to get their prayer to Him). I know, all bad, but hey I’m human…I apologized. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that He uses me, and I LOVE that my friends trust me and they know that it’s a gift that He has given me, but I’m like dang Jesus!? Now I feel like Job! (Oh yeah, I did say that I wanted you to have faith in me like you did Job didn’t I?) That was about a three weeks ago…

As we were chit chatting the other day I’m thanking Him for my new niece, I was layed out on the floor cryin’ and snottin’ and…OK you get the picture, but He gave me a word that lead to a revelation…Faith. I say “OK, Lord you know I have faith in you”, but as I wiped my tears and blew my nose I thought about it, and I realized what He meant. He knows that I have faith in Him, because I do. I trust Him with all of my heart and soul! But when I pray for others my faith in Him is so much stronger! I get on my knees, I pray and I give to God. I don’t dwell on it or worry about it. I KNOW that whatever they need He will provide, but with myself I lack that confidence. I still worry and wonder, I’m not releasing it to Him like I’m supposed to. But by not releasing it to Him I’m showing a lack of faith. Why? Why do we do that, because I know I’m not the only one. Think about it, in life, when we’re pros at something we walk in BOLDNESS with our heads high and our chests out because we KNOW that we have learned whatever it is we need to do. We, we learned, us by ourselves by our own understanding (what does Proverbs 3:5-6 say?) Now we all have God given gifts…Hello! Given! He GAVE us something, we didn’t have to earn or work for it, it’s free! Something made from Him which is perfectly and wonderfully made, custom designed for each and every one of us. All we have to do is use it, share it to help others which is really helping ourselves because YOU GUYS He’s gonna bless us if we follow His word and do the will He has planned for our lives!

I have faith that when I ask my friends to pray for me that they will. I have faith that when I ask them to pray for strength in my nieces lungs that she will be OK because I’m confident in their relationship with Christ. That’s what it all boils down to, how is your relationship with Him? What does that say about me? How often am I studying my bible, not reading a passage and checking it off for the day but really digging deep and studying His word? The fact of matter is if our relationship with Christ is where it should be then there shouldn’t be any doubt in our minds. Our faith in Him should be strong.

I believe our lack of faith comes from us judging ourselves by our pasts. “Why would He bless me I’ve done x, y & z not to mention l,m,n,o,p”…We want others to forget and stop bringing up stuff that we already gave to God so why do we hold ourselves in bondage? I shouldn’t be secure in my prayer for others but shakey in my prayers for myself.

The crazy part is that He has faith in us…yeah us, ha! Our flesh, our spotty pasts, our pride, our mess ups. He has faith that we’ll do right by Him, once we get to know Him. Haha! He has faith that we WILL get to know Him! The Almighty, Most High, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Giver of Life has faith in us but we can’t have faith that He can pay a light bill or save a marriage!? With a single touch one can be healed from terminal cancer, He doesn’t even have to say a word. There was a woman in the bible who bled for 12 years, she was healed by simply touching the hem of Jesus’ garment. The instant she did her bleeding stopped! When He asked who touched Him she was afraid and it says she came trembling and fell at His feet. She told Him why she touched Him and you know what He said? “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” He was the man! Is that the problem? Are we afraid? Yep! Leaving that job is scary, leaving that relationship is scary, moving to a place where you know no one is scary. But if we have the faith in Him like she had what do you think The Lord will say to us? “Daughter, Son your faith has healed you. Go in peace.” All we have to do is have faith.

Oh, and last Sunday at church I was reminded that Job was blessed double after he prayed for everyone else…